Will there ever be someone,
someone to lean on,
someone to guide me,
someone to help me get there,
to help show me the way,
to tolerance and true self acceptance.
I can not fathom, an existence without distance,
I need space or my outer shell will simply break
and I fear for the moment of realisation,
when they see the real me,
the perfectionist who angers easily,
the child who prefers to run and hide
than face their fears head on.
Could it be you?
Can you keep me safe,
or will the tears flow
in frustration, sadness and anger
thinking of what was and could have been.
What are my chances? I ask,
honest and true,
what are my chances,
of not hurting you?.
Why does my body betray me,
through feelings actions and emotions,
heart, mind and soul,
I try to ignore that which puts me down,
the inaccuracies, flaws,
shame, humiliation, embarrassments and mistakes,
but as a self conscious perfectionist a life sentence is served.
The fear is, I just don’t know, how I might act,
with my guard raised so high, opening up is hard to do,
and I may say things I don’t mean,
the worries run deep.
So again I ask - will I ever find that closeness, that a part of me craves?
am I set to be my own worst enemy forever more,
or will true perspective be gained
and true belief in me felt and genuinely believed,
for only then can genuine happiness be gained
and in so the ability to open up and be with someone,
with less chance of the bad in me to trip me up,
to shame and sever,
I look forward to that day.